inside scoop of my veracity

takot.

2007-08-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

Sobrang natakot ka na ba sa isang tao at sa pwedeng gawin ng tao na yun sa'yo na parang gusto mo ng magtago sa kanal kahit maraming ipis dun? Well, ako, oo. Kanina lang.

May ginawa kasi akong kalokohan na pinasa ko sa mga kaklase ko at isang bestfriend na galing sa ibang section. Luckily, hindi ko agad nasabi na sa kanila ko lang ibinahagi yun at hindi pwede sa iba. Kaya ang nangyari, dahil sobrang nakakatuwa siya, shinare siya ng bestfriend ko sa... hmm. Buong batch yata.

Tapos, after lunch kanina, sinabi sa'kin ng kaklase ko na narinig daw niya yung isa naming guro nang mapadaan siya sa faculty room. May mga kakwentuhan daw kasi yung teacher na yun tapos, bigla na lang may sinabi na parang nagbabanta sa isang tao na parang ipapapugot niya yung ulo nung tao na yun sa kaibigan niyang terorista. *kathang-isip ko lamang ito*

Siyempre, ako yung taong yun.

Malapit na yung period nung teacher na yun. Sobrang kabado ako. Gusto ko ng umiyak pero baka lalo niyang mahalata na guilty ako. Kaya kumain na lang ako.

Tapos, ayan. Time niya na. Kalmado lang ako pero nararamdaman ko yung pagbilis ng heartbeat ko. Hindi ko narinig pero ayon sa katabi ko, sinabi daw nung teacher na yun kung ano yung sinabi kong kalokohan kahapon.

Inaabangan ko na yung sermon niya. Siyempre, co-teacher niya yung pinagtripan ko.

Pero, himala. Nagturo siya. At minsan lang din mangyari yun. Hahaha!

Natapos ang subject niya. Sinabi ko dun sa bestfriend ko na natatakot nga ako. Tapos, nung uwian, bigla niya kong nilapitan at sinabing hindi daw ako dapat matakot.

Sa katunayan, tuwang-tuwa pa raw yung teacher namin sa ginawa kong pangttrip dahil malaki ang galit ng karamihan sa mga teachers sa pinagtripan ko at dinagdagan pa raw niya yung kalokohan na yun sa classroom ng bestfriend ko.

tag tag tag.

2007-08-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

Was tagged by Michelle.

What I should do is post 8 random facts about myself and then tag 8 other people to do the same.

1. I used to wish that I'll be a dentist someday.
2. Nagkaroon ako ng panata na hindi ko bubuksan ang Friendster account ko hanggang... SECRET MUNA YUN. Hahaha!
3. I love Bob Ong's works. :))
4. Addicted to Starbucks. Nagmamaktol ako sa Nanay ko paminsan-minsan na bumili kapag 2:00 na ng umaga.
5. Mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Pati luha ko mababaw din.
6. I still watch cartoons. Hahaha!
7. Mahilig akong makipagpustahan, parati namang talo.
8. Hindi ko na alam kung anong sasabihin ko dito.

I’m tagging Ate Dauphine, Cai, Ate Anne, Kev, Romina, Ate Irish, Karla and Mark.

cm's.

2007-08-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

Nagising ako ng bandang 10:00. Siyempre, dahil hindi pa nakakapaghilamos at toothbrush, hinanap ko muna ang cellphone ko para magbasa ng mga liham. *Hahahaha!*

Nakakatawa. Limang magkakasunod na tao ang nagsend ng iisang message. Naputol lang ng isang mensaheng "hello! ikinadena ko yung paa ng isda mo kagabi." tapos ayun na naman. Apat na magkakasunod na pare-parehong messages ulit.

"Madalas, ang tao, dinededma ang messages na tungkol kay God. Kaya mo bang dedmahin toh? Blah blah blah blah. Send this to all your friends."

Taglish version ng:

"70% of people won't send this. I love you Jesus. Please pass this to all your buddies on the list and prove that your are one of the 30% who cares."

May tatlong klase ng mga sikat na chain messages. Lahat sila, nakakapang-uto.

1. Tungkol kay God at sa mga santo't santa na lumalabas tuwing kapistahan nila at kahit hindi nila kapistahan, kunyari daw kapistahan nila.
2. Tungkol sa pag-ibig na kapag hindi mo sinend, mamalasin ka buong buhay mo.
3. Yung tipong papatay sa'yo, sa nanay mo, kay Bantay at sa iba pang miyembro ng pamilya mo.

Ang common denominator? Nakakaburaot silang lahat.

Sabi nga ni Ate Anne, hindi masusukat ng isang chain message ang paniniwala mo sa Diyos. E ano nga naman kung hindi mo isend yun? Pag sinend mo ba yun, ibig sabihin linggo-linggo kang nagsisimba? Dahil ba dun naipagmamalaki mo na relihiyoso/relihiyosa ka? Kung ganun lang din pala edi sana wala ng mga pari ngayon. At nagtetext na lang sila para magsend ng chain messages.

"I love God above all things. Send this to everyone and He's gonna grant you three wishes. Amen."

Sunod, ang paborito ng lahat.

"Send this to 10 friends and after 15 minutes, someone special is going to talk to you."

"Isend mo to sa lahat ng kaibigan mo at magiging kayo ng mahal mo."

"Pag hindi mo sinend to, 7 years kang mamalasin sa lovelife."

Nakakairita yan. Minsan akala mo kung gaano kaimportante yung isang message. Yun pala, chain message lang ang labas. Ang resulta, lalo pang nagiging desperado ang tao sa pag-aakalang totoo nga yung bagay na yun. Ikaw namang mambabasa, mahilig kang magpauto. Kapag sinabi bang "Kumain ka ng tae at mapapakasalan mo ang crush mo.", gagawin mo?

At ang huli, ang killer chain messages.

"Hi. I'm Dudong. I was killed by my boyfriend two hours ago because I failed to give him the amount of money he wants. Send this to all your friends or I'll wake you in the middle of your sleep and kill you so I can get your money and give it to my boyfriend."

Ayos a. Patay na nga nakakapagtext pa rin.

Kung nakakapatay lang din ang mga mensaheng yan edi sana wala ng murderers ngayon. Lahat sila nagsesend na lang din ng chain messages para mapatay ang biktima. Oha! No trace of evidence pa.

Well, wala pa naman akong nababalitaan sa diyaryo o sa TV na namatay dahil sa hindi pagsesend ng isang mensahe.

At isa pa, kung ang pagsesend ng chain messages ang dahilan para yumaman ka, edi sana wala ng kurakot na opisyal ngayon. Lahat sila nagsesend na lang ng good luck charm messages.

Copy this and paste to your Friendster Bulletin. O kaya itext mo sa lahat ng kaibigan mo ang mga nakasulat sa taas. Kung hindi, ikaw ay magiging isang tukmol na kamote at kaamoy ng isang kilikiling kulay berde.

bakit?

2007-08-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

Wala akong maisip masyado. Kaya eto na lang.

*Bakit ba hindi marunong makuntento ang tao?
*Bakit ba may mga taong nagfeefeeling Superman na akala nila kaya nilang gawin ang lahat?
*Bakit ba kailangang nasa huli ang pagsisisi?
*Bakit ba gusto ng karamihan ng isang perpektong tao/bagay kahit alam nilang walang ganun?
*Bakit parang nakakawalan na ng ganang mag-aral sa Mandsci?
*Bakit ba PROUD pa SIYA/SILA sa pangongopya?
*Bakit ba gusto nilang gawing bayani si Pacquiao e wala naman siyang naitutulong sa pag-unlad ng ekonomiya?
*Bakit ba may mga taong mahilig magkumpara e lahat naman ng tao iba-iba?
*Bakit ba lahat ng bagay may katapusan?
*Bakit ba lahat ng tao, napapagod sa isang bagay?
*Bakit madalas, happiness is empty?
*How come something that is supposed to set you free leaves you so incomplete?
*Bakit ba may mga salita na mahirap Tagalugin?
*Bakit ba nasa lahat ng tao ang kaplastikan?
*Bakit ba kailangan munang mawala ang isang tao bago mo malaman kung gaano siya kahalaga?
*Bakit ba kailangan munang masaktan at umiyak bago mo makuha ang kasiyahan?
*Bakit ba may mga taong mayayabang na wala namang maipagmamayabang?
*Bakit ba hindi natin alam kung anong mangyayari kinabukasan?
*Bakit ba dinadaan sa pag-inom ng alak ang problema?
*Bakit ba maraming nagddrugs?
*Bakit ba naimbento ang sigarilyo?
*Bakit ba may mga taong manhid?
*Bakit ba kailangan nating magmahal kung masasaktan lang din naman tayo?
*Bakit ba mahirap makalimot?
*Bakit ba may mga nabubuntis ng maaga e may condom naman?
*Bakit ba pinag-aaralan pa sa eskwela ang Geometry, Botany, MAPEH at iba pa kung hindi rin naman natin yun magagamit sa paglaki natin?
*Bakit ba may mga taong nagtatapos ng kurso sa College para lang maging domestic helper o caregiver sa ibang bansa?
*Bakit ba likhang madamot ang tao?
*Bakit ba madaya at kulang ang oras?
*Bakit ba ang dami kong tanong?

friends friends friends.

2007-08-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Wala na namang pasok. Malaki ang posibilidad na bawiin ang pagiging nonworking holiday ng Monday. At ayoko ng ganun. Mamatay na may gusto nun.

Hahahaha!

Natanong mo na ba sa sarili mo kung bakit meron kang mga kaibigan? Kung meron man, natanong mo na ba kung bakit sila yung naging mga kaibigan mo?

Sa ilang taon mong pamumuhay, marami kang nakakasalamuha. Meron diyang masasamang katulad mo, at mababait na katulad ko. Merong mga makukulit, magugulo, meron din namang mga tahimik. Merong mahilig kumain, merong parating gutom at meron ding sugapa sa libre. Merong mukang paa, parang pinagbiyak na arinola, at meron din namang mukang anghel pero demonyo naman pala. Maraming klase ng tao sa mundo. Siguro, hindi lang natin namamalayan, pero may mga taong ganito pala o ganyan pala na kahit ipagpilitang itago e nahahalata pa rin ng iba.

Sagutin mo man yung mga katanungan sa taas o hindi, sigurado akong alam mo na masaya ang buhay pag maraming kaibigan. Marami kang katawanan, marami kang matatakbuhan, marami kang masasabihan ng problema, maraming tatakbo sa'yo para humingi ng tulong *kahit malaking effort ang kailangan para dito, masarap pa rin yung pakiramdam na marami kang natutulungan*, maraming pupunta sa bahay mo para kumain, marami kang pupuntahan na birthday parties, maraming manlilibre sa'yo..

O diba? Masaya talaga.

Pero, nirerespeto ka ba nila?

May tiwala ba sila sa'yo?

May tiwala ka ba sa kanila?

Respeto at tiwala. Dalawang bagay na mahirap makuha at pag nawala sa'yo, mahirap ng ibalik. At para sa'kin, kailangang mapagkatiwalaan ka muna ng isang tao para makuha mo yung respeto niya. At kapag nakuha mo yung dalawa na yun, pwede ka ng tawaging isang kaibigan.

Nakakatawa lang isipin na kahit mga kaibigan ang tawag mo sa kanila, parang hindi ka nila nirerespeto.

Kaibigan mo sila pero pag nakatalikod ka, iniinsulto ka na pala.

e kasi nga.

2007-08-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

May mga nasabihan na ko nitong mga close friends. Pero dahil hindi ko nailabas lahat, hello blogger ang drama ko.

Sa totoo lang, masama ang loob ko sa ibang mga tao sa klase. Biruin mo, nagpapakahirap kang mag-aral, nagsisikap kang manghula para masagot yung mga tanong na si Superman lang ang makakasagot, makakakuha ka ng mababa o kaya, yung pasang-awa na scores sa mga tests tapos, sila, walang kahirap-hirap na nakakakuha ng mataas.

Alam kong masamang mambintang. Pero sabihin niyo nga sa'kin, posible bang magkapare-pareho ang scores ng limang taong magkakatabi sa test? Buti sana kung isang subject lang e. Kaya lang, napatunayan ng isa pa. Kaya hindi na nakakapagtaka kung maraming beses nilang ginawa yun.

Oo, bahagi na ng buhay ng bawat estudyanteng mangopya. Abno ka kung hindi mo ginagawa yun. Ako, inaamin ko, kopyador din ako. Pero galit ako sa mga nangongopya pag quarterly examinations. Aba! E kung ganun lang din pala ang labanan, dapat pala kinopyahan ko na lang yung mga honor students na katabi ko.

Hindi ko na sana papansinin to e. Kasi alam kong sila yung nabadshot dun. Kaya lang, sumosobra na e. IT'S UNPER!

done.

2007-08-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

Tapos na exams namin. Tapos na ang paghihirap. Tapos na ang kalokohan.

Oo, kalokohan. Literal na nakipaglokohan lang kami sa mga teachers namin, at ganun din sila sa amin. Imagine answering questions with terms you aren't even familiar with. Ok, nageenglish na ko. Bawal 'to dahil buwan ng wika ngayon. Baka mamaya biglang may lumabas sa kisame ng kwarto ko, magulo ang buhok, basang basa ang katawan, duguan, walang itim ang mata at maglakad ng patiwarik habang palapit ng palapit sa kama para kunin ang teddy bear ko at ibalik sa Blue Magic.

Sabi nga ni Mara, habang nagrereview ka, parang hindi review e. VIEW lang talaga dahil ang katotohanan ay ngayon mo lang naencounter yung mga bagay na yun kahit hindi naman talaga.

Gets?

Hate this quarter. Kahit yung pinakamasipag mag-aral sa'min sa klase, tinatamad na rin. Diba Marc?

wooosh.

2007-08-12T15:35:00.000-07:00

Nakakatamad.

Bilang isang estudyante, magic word ko yan.

Ewan ko ba. Ngayon lang ako tinamad ng sobra sa mahigit 11 taon ng pag-aaral ko. Nung 2nd year, hindi pa masyado e. Pero ngayon, grumabe na talaga. Kahit may exams pa bukas, 2 pa lang naaaral ko. Tapos, hindi pa tapos yung isa. Tapos, aral-aralan lang yung isa. May isang subject pang dapat pag-aralan. Pero nakakawalan ng gana.

Sabi nila, contagious disease daw ang katamaran. Tama yun para sa'kin. Kasi, pag tamad yung teacher, tamad din yung estudyante.

Sa totoo lang, parang wala akong natututunan ngayon sa school.

Kung yung mga matatalino sa'min, pinagtyatyagaan ang self study sa hindi pagtuturo ng karamihan sa mga teachers, ako naman, NO STUDY ang inaapply.

Good luck naman sa grades ko noh.

lalalalala.

2007-08-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Nafeel ko lang magpost ngayon.

Ang dami ko palang kabobohan sa buhay noh? Well, tama nga sila. Nobody's perfect. Kung sila, nalolost count sa pagbibilang ng tutubi na kumakain ng apoy, at kayo ay nahuhulog sa paglalambitin niyo sa hanger, ako naman..

Eto, tamad pa rin.

Siyempre, wala ulit konek. Sabi nga nila, walang perpekto sa mundo. Kaya kung ako sa inyo, wag na kayong magbasa dahil wala itong kakwenta-kwenta.

Buwan ng Wika ngayon kaya dapat magFilipino. :D

Ang bahay nila Cheska.
-Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, si Cheska ay isang butihing kaklase ko since First Year. (mahirap magsalita/magtype ng full Tagalog e. Sabi nga nila, nobody's perfect.) Siya ang "mother" ng klase kaya bahay niya, bahay ng lahat. Araw-araw silang may bisita. O buwisita. Kung gagawa naman ng mga projects or magkakaroon ng meeting para sa isang school activity, parating sa bahay nila ginagawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero dahil mayaman sila at maraming pagkain at ayos lang sa magulang niya at may alaga silang unggoy at marami silang alagang hayop at cute si Tusha at masarap ang pancake nila, parating nagkakaisa ang mga tao na dun manggulo.

Katangahan #1: May project kami sa MAPEHrwisyo at kagrupo ko si Cheska. Obviously, dun kami sa bahay nila para na rin makikain ng tanghalian at merienda. Tatlong taon na kong nagpupunta sa bahay nila. Pero nung Tuesday, BINGO! Naligaw na naman ako. Mahirap lang akong bata, wala kaming kotse kaya sumakay lang ako ng trike. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero bigla kong pinaliko yung pilot at nakarating ako sa Pedro P. Cruz Elementary School na ayon sa Quintessence, "Pepenians" daw ang tawag sa mga mag-aaral nito. BINGOng pangalawa. Dahil nga mahirap lang akong bata, wala akong barya. At BINGOng pangatlo. Ayaw maghanap nung pilot ng mapagbabaryahan nung pera ko. Oha! Buti na lang, may binatang nagmagandang loob para pabaryahan yung pera ko. Salamat sa kanya, solb na ang problema. Ang galing lang kasi bago ako umalis, biglang umasta yung binata ng "ate, pengeng singkwenta." Dahil nga mahirap lang akong bata, nginitian ko na lang siya.

At nagsimula na naman ang paglalakbay ko. Siguro, mga 15 minutes akong mukhang tangang patawag tawag sa telepono ni Cheska na hindi naman sinasagot kaya 15 minutes din akong mukhang tangang pabalik-balik na naglalakad. Ang hirap pala ng ganun lalo na kung hindi ka pamilyar dun sa lugar. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka titingin, kung dun ba sa kamay mo dahil hawak mo ang cellphone mo o dun sa paa mo dahil baka makaapak ka ng jebs.

After 15 minutes, thank goodniss. Nahanap ko rin ang puno sa tapat ng bahay ni Cheska kung saan nakatambay ang unggoy nila.

Ang Foundation Day sa Mandsci.

Katangahan #2: Hapon na nun. Foundation Day sa school namin. May program pa sa gabi. Manonood ako, siyempre. At siyempre, hindi pa ko nakakapagpaalam sa nanay ko. Walking distance lang ang bahay ko sa school. Kaya naman umuwi muna ko para magpaalam.

Ang saya ko nun. Habang naglalakad kasi ako, nakita ko yung crush ko. Binati pa niya ko. Oooooh.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, sakto. Nakaalis na nanay ko. Pumunta sa bahay ng friend niya kasama ang kanyang circle of friends. Sayang. Nagugutom pa naman ako nun. Hihingi pa sana ko ng pera pangkain. Kaya, tinawagan ko na lang siya sa cellphone. Pwede pala yun. Umuwi pa ko ng bahay. Nasayang ang Adenosine Triposphate sa katawan ko na pinaghirapang iproduce ng mga mitochondria ng cells ko na ayon sa Oxidative Phosphorylation, ang coenzymes daw na NAD+ at FAD ay nagsisilbing carrier ng protons at electrons sa *ano bang Filipino word ng form? Basta, yun na yun.* form ng Hydrogen atoms para sa Electron Transport chain. Mahaba pa yan pero puputulin ko na dito dahil nagdudugo na ang ilong ko. Pero proud ako dahil may natutunan din pala ko sa Bio.

Pabalik na ko ng school. Dahil nagugutom ako, bumili muna ko ng shake.

Tatawid na sana ko. Umaambon. At dahil nasabik ako sa shake na hawak ko at feeling kong mag-iiba ang lasa niya pag naambunan, umiinom ako habang patawid. Ayun. Muntik na kong mabangga ng kotse. Half inch na lang siguro yung layo ng tagiliran ko dun sa sasakyan. Sayang. Di natuloy. Ganda pa naman nung kotse. Luxurious.

Pyro Olympics 2005.

-Napakamemorable nito. Nastuck kasi kami sa traffic sa may Makati kasi last day na nung program. Sakto pa, nagkaroon ng sunog somewhere sa Makati kaya doble traffik[O. Makabagong Filipino yan.]. At sobrang memorable niya talaga. Kasi, wala kaming napanood. Kaya naman, napag-usapan na lang ng angkan ko na kumain na lang sa madadaanang restaurant para hindi naman masyadong nakakasama ng loob. Dapat kasi, ibblowout kami ng tito ko sa isang hotel. Nalimutan ko lang kung saan. Sa Heritage yata e. Yun nga lang, nauwi kami sa Teriyaki Boy sa may Glorietta.

4 hours kaming nasa sasakyan nun. 4 hours kaming nakipagsiksikan sa jampack na mga sasakyan. Kaya naman, palakas ng palakas ang boses ni Inang Kalikasan na tinatawag ang pangalan ko.

Katangahan #3: Pagdating namin sa TB, dumiretso agad ako sa CR. Sobrang wiwing wiwi na ko nun, kaya siguro kahit nakita ko na yung drowing ng lalaki at babae sa pintuan, yung pintuan pa rin ng lalaki yung nabuksan ko. Buti na lang, may poging poging mama sa loob para pigilan ako at sabihing, "miss, dun ka sa kabila. Hehehe."

Buti na lang pogi siya.

Marami pa kong kwento para diyan. Pero sabi nga nila, walang perpekto sa mundo kaya wala na kong masabi. Isa pa, wala na kong masyadong matandaan.

Bata pa ko. Kaya lang, hindi ako perpekto.

Konek?

ice cream.

2007-08-09T06:51:00.001-07:00

Iba talaga dito sa Pilipinas. Kung kelan dapat isuspend ang klase, hindi sinususpend. Kung isususpend man, late na. Kung kelan dapat may pasok, saka walang klase. Sabi nga ni Tolete, "kaya hindi umuunlad ang bansa natin e."

Siyempre, walang koneksyon ang intro ko dun sa topic.

Sa ibang bansa, kilala tayong mga Pinoy bilang mga Fine English Speakers. Pano ba naman hindi magiging ganun? E dito sa'tin e hinihintay ka talaga ng taong magkamali habang nagsasalita ka. Sino ba namang hindi macoconcious dun diba? Sabi ng iba, negative thing daw ang masyadong pagpuna sa kapwa. Oo nga naman, you should mind your own business. Meron din namang nagsasabi na nakabubuti daw ang masyadong pagpuna kasi naiimprove yung kailangang iimprove.

Well, kung ako ang tatanungin, either good or bad, masayang pumuna ng mga taong nagkakamali, lalo na sa pagsasalita ng Inggles. Sabihin niyo ng masamang tao ako dahil ganun. Pero kung nag-aaral ka sa school ko, maiintindihan mo.

Hahahaha!

1. Nagdidiscuss ang teacher namin. Ang topic niya ay tungkol sa proper waste disposal. Nasa category kami ng burial:

"In burial, when they bur... Kapag nililibing nila yung basura nila..."

Oha! Umatras. Nalimutan yata ang rootword ng burial. Napaisip din ako dun.

2. Nagbibigay ng pointers to review ang teacher namin. Dictation.

"Describe what happen when a light rays passes from glass to air as a medium."

Nakaugalian na rin naming magdasal bago mag-umpisa ang klase niya. Pano kaya 'pag umasta siya ng "repeat after me" prayer? Susundin kaya siya ng mga kaklase ko kahit mali-mali na?

3. Nasa discussion namin ang barter system ng Egypt.

"Ipinagpapalit nila ang isang bagay para sa 2 kilo of golds."

Huh? 2 kilos of gold diba?

4. Dictation ulit. Tungkol sa soccer.

"...also known as Pipa."

"Sir? Ano ulit? Pipa? Instrument yun diba?"

"Instrument ka diyan. Yung Pipa. Ep-ay-ep-ey."

Others are included in the palowing.

Pare-parehong scenariong discussion lang naman to e. Kaya ililista ko na lang.

-I'll base the report on the reporters.
-Animals are abondant.
-X(egs) of 1 minus X(egs) of 2.
-It's just a matter of a common sense.
-Trianggol.
-Ebor Aptor.
-Gogol.
-Evidences(ividences).

Madami pa yan. Nalimutan ko yung iba. Nasa kaklase ko kasi yung notebook na listahan namin.

Pasensiya na po, katuwaan lang. Walang personalan.

:D

walang pasok kahapon at ngayon.

2007-08-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

"I came to the point wherein I dared someone to push me off a cliff, just to see if I'm strong enough to fly."

Too much of pride and confidence. And in the end, I was broken.

For the person involved, if you're reading this and if you read what I gave you last Saturday, then you already know what I'm talking about. As you said, time wasn't enough. And so the papers I gave you. Well, it is, maybe. For those issues stated there. But words are relentless, so as for what I feel.

I'll make this short. I'm soooo lethargic.

Thank you kasi you care. I was really moved when you told me you want me to move on, want me to forget things, want me not to feel things you felt when you were involved in a relationship when you were still young. I know our ideas are paradoxical, and for me, it goes to show not in a way that we weren't really supposed to be together but to prove that we are different individuals. And having differences is having different feelings on things. Maybe it was really remorseful for you having experienced being "attached" at a young age. But for me? It was fine. Frankly speaking, tama lang ang lahat nung tayo pa. Hindi ako ipit. Hindi ako hirap. At siyempre, LEGAL. Yung nga lang, I was too dumb to put you into an unreasonable state of being unforgiven for a moment. And I'm really sorry for that.

Now, I'm hopeless.

post.

2007-07-10T06:15:00.001-07:00

MORE THAN 6 PEOPLE.

1. HER. She's a good friend of mine. She isn't the typical girl that gets the fun she deserves. Not that she doesn't have the chance but it's like, she's one of the few who do not take the million opportunities for self compensation. Only a hundred, I guess. So I am really astounded everytime she does things a regular teenager does.

2. SOMEONE. The second person I spent almost half my life with *excluding my family*. My auntie, lola, mother, sister and best friend. Very loquacious and strident. One of the most audacious and toughest people I know. But as they say, even the sturdiest tree can be broken down by a man.

3. HIM. We're not that close but he's my friend. A song chum of mine and he's one of those whom I share my everyday laughters with. Everyone says that he isn't really a "hottie". But his smile strikes me a lot that I usually notice myself smiling back even if it's ~~not for me~~.

4. SOMEBODY. I think it's peculiar to find it hard to make friends with this somebody. I don't know why but, something holds me back everytime I try to make this so-called "move". And another thing. There is profundity in his eyes that whenever he looks at me, I feel so away from reality.

5. THEM. An infamous group at school. This is another I-don't-know-why thing: I am scared of them. Maybe they're just that superior or something so I feel like, I need to back off everytime I see them at the school's hallways. BREATHING'S NOT ALLOWED.

6. NOBODY. My ideal person. He is my knight in shining armor. He saves me from a bad day and makes me feel that tomorrow's going to be fine. He never makes me his ~~priority~~ but still manages to make me feel so valuable. He is vulnerable yet, man enough to accept his missteps and weaknesses. He is willing to accept whatever changes that comes his way and tries to catch up with the things people got used to. He is someone I can rely on, someone who will look after me when I falter and fall, and afterwards, he'll give me the strength to cope with my uncertainties on my own.

"New people are only new for a day. After that, they're just people."
-THE PERFECT MAN

Trying.

2007-06-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Another day for all of us. But today sure is better than the past days. Well, for me.

And really. Life must go on. Whether we like it or not, some pages in our story are better left unsaid and be forgotten in some way than just keeping them alive, making us feel the same pain over and over again. But I had to admit, this is harder than hard as you think. I mean, you kind of forget them sometimes, then after a while, you'll find yourself reliving the memories. It's more painful because you'll be waken up in the middle of dreaming and you'll evoke that you can't have them back.

One of the direst things you'll ever know is that, people somehow stopped missing you. But there must be something, right? Something that can put things back the way they were. Something that must've hindered it from happening. But, if what happened is the best way to be done, then, leave it there. Who knows? I mean, we're not yet at world's end. Maybe, everything will be made up someday. Not now.

the truth.

2007-06-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

It's not so long ago when I told Fave that I had nothing yet to post. Hahaha! Oh well. I've been tired emotionally.

I entered a world counterfeited by my thoughts, thoughts that tell me not to open my eyes to the fact that I feel this twinge badly. And now, I am baffled with how I should feel.

I'm sorry if you can't understand what I'm saying or something, but it's tough for me to express this thing. But I'll try. I'm sure it's better this way. I mean, being honest.

Frankly speaking, I never thought this would be a big deal for me. I was aware it's gonna happen, I was ready. Assurance was something I believed I had but then, I lost it.

What I had was more than a settled and lingered instant. And all of a sudden, movement stopped and everybody stopped for more than the length of that moment. And then, it was gone.

crappy.

2007-05-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

I have lots to say. So random that I don't have any idea where and how to start. Hope you'll understand if this falls grungey from your expectations.

Oftentimes, I think of death. I think of people's death. Something that says something like, "Will I ever know if he/she is? But how? I'm out of reach right now. Is he/she gonna tell me?"

Am I gonna die soon? Or someone I know is going to?

Totoo ba na "'Pag gusto, maraming paraan at 'pag ayaw, maraming dahilan?" Lots of times, gustung-gusto ko ng isampal sa isang tao yang linya na yan.

Peste.

But I can't. Congratulations to Little Ms. Goody-too-shoes. Minsan nga, naiisip ko, "Sino ba siya para ganyanin ako? Sino ba siya para hayaan ko siyang ganyanin ako?" But whatever I do, or whatever that person does, nothing can make me show how mad I am with something he/she did. No matter how mad I am, I keep on pretending I don't.

Poor people around me. They get to receive the anger I feel about him/her.

It's really weird to have 5 people apologize to me in a day. But the truth is, I don't care anymore! I don't care you're sorry! It's already done. And will saying the hidden magic word bring back time and avoid what you did wrong from happening? No one is perfect anyway. No doubt you'll do it again. So, what's the point of saying sorry?

I can be mean sometimes. Just like this morning.

It's 11:30 am and I was still asleep. My sister entered the room to get something and I guess she forgot to close the door. Our helper's friends were at the living room, talking, and one of them was very, very noisy. And surprise! She woke me up with her irritating loud laugh. Parang wala ng bukas! Malademonyo. So, I went out to wash up. When I walked pass them, I looked at them with the nakakunot-ang-noo-bagong-gising-look. Then, straight to the bathroom.

Our bathroom has its sliding door. I closed.. Uhm. Err. slammed it and did my thang.

"RC, nagdadiet ka ba?"

"Ako? Diet? Yuck."

Oh well. My mom is controlling my eating habit. Grrr. Wala pa yata sa kalahati ng usual na kinakain ko yung nilalagay niya sa plato ko e. Sobrang taba ko na raw kasi. I know it's true. But it's alright for me. Classes make me lose weight anyway.

Ever wondered why the word "forever" existed? Is it only for the phrase "nothing is forever"?

I mean, everything ends. Why did people have its concept in the first place? Why didn't the ancient people just orient it as a word only applicable for God and His love?

Aside from God's love, there must be something else, right?

Swoosh!

missing.

2007-04-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. I'm missing everyone right now. Lalo na ikaw. You know who you are. *winks* We're supposed to be together right now. But look what happened. ~~I went away~~. *sobs*

I have loved this place ever since anyway, so it isn't a big problem thinking about the distance and being sad. So, I decided to share what I've done for the past days and the appreciation I've got for this country.

At NAIA Terminal 1[yata].

With my sister, Rej at the Lounge.

At Changi Airport. [the longest in the world]

With my dad and my sister, Rona.

My plane seatmate. Bwahahaha! Akalain niyo yun?

Chillin' at the telephone booth.

My dad lives in the 20th floor of a 23-storey building. His room window shows a very nice view of Singapore. There's a swimming pool and a playground down the condo, a canteen, supermarket, clothing and accesories store, learning center, hair salon, and beauty salon. One great package. Not all condominiums in Singapore have all of these. There's also a nearby park [5 minutes away from home] where I promised my mom to jog with her every morning. Pero, asa naman noh. Haha!

The pool with the bridge. Haha!

COMMERCIAL LANG: ang cute nung bagong iPod Shuffle. *winks*

Inside my dad's room with Rona.

What I did on my first day.

Went to the Vivo City Mall.

Siyempre, nagstarbucks. *laughs*

At the mall's viewing deck.

A view of Sentosa.

On our second day, we went to Singapore Zoo. Here are some of our pictures.

At the entrance.

Australian Outback.

Feeding the Elephants.

Polar Bear.

Elephant Ride with Rona.

That's it for now. I'll post the other pictures for my next update. Can't find our cam's USB.

Take care everyone!

Melancholia.

2007-04-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Wala lang. Feel ko lang magshare ngayon. Hindi na kasi ako nakakapagkwento e.

So, April 4 na ngayon. Ilang days na lang magbabakasyon na kami sa Singapore. It will be my third time to spend my summer at that country. Pero kahit ganun, parang, wala lang. Ang lungkot e. Although alam kong babalik din ako at 1 month and 2 weeks lang kami dun--something I know I should be thankful for. Normally kasi, whole summer kami nandun.

Ano nga bang meron?

Hindi ko kasi sineseryoso nung past months yung pagbabakasyon namin dun. Na parang, ok, wala lang yun, babalik din ako at sandali lang kami dun. Pero now that it's nearing, parang gusto kong bumalik sa past days na sana, I enjoyed every moment with the people I spend my everyday with.

Isipin niyo ng OA ako pero, malungkot talaga. Summer na nga lang meron tayo para magpakasaya kasama yung iba. Pag pasukan na, ipit na naman ang oras, daming ginagawa, laging busy. Tapos, lalayo pa ko. Mahirap pa dun, hindi uso ang unlimited sa roaming. Hahahh! Besides, hindi pinapadala sa'kin ng tatay ko phone ko.

Nakakapraning talaga. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Tapos, I can't see him everyday pa.

Nakakalungkot talaga.

Good luck na lang sa'kin. Sana hindi maisipan ng tatay kong magstay ako dun for good.

fated.

2007-04-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

I know everyone doesn't have the license to get green-eyed of other people because we will never be the owners of the guys/girls we love. But I am also erudite with the fact that it has always been in human nature to love ardently, this leading to being selfish with everything about him/her.

To the girls: Isn't it too unbearable for us to see our special someones trifling with other girls that it gives us some kind of obsession that even a single text message from another girl tears us into pieces, and it feels like what is left for us is to confront the guys or worse, beat up that girl who seemed to be ~~messing up~~ with us?

To the guys: Doesn't it spoil your day knowing that your someones are getting close to another guy and the next dire thing is you find yourself in a state of consciousness that they are enjoying every part of their time together?

But why is it that girls treat other guys like they've got no one to hurt and guys treat other girls as if no one's getting jealous?

"Hurt not others with that which pains yourself."
-Buddha (5th century BC)

And the saying is true. I just can't figure out why majority carry on doing things to other people that when brought back to them, create this feeling of ~~hatred~~ to the person who has done it and pity to oneself.

But try to get over it. Causing major pain to the people around us is an inevitable thing that lots of times, we aren't even aware with what we are doing.

And the best thing to do? SAY SORRY. :D

long time no post.

2007-03-29T03:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted some crap in here. Was very hectic last February and March.

Vacation started. It feels so good to wake up in the morning with nothing to worry about -- unfinished works, surprise tests, recitations and such. And of course, no ~~cramming~~

Everyone deserves a break. We should enjoy every part of this I-am-so-damn-bored months because it's the only time we've got to relax. Boredom is something everyone is infuriated of having but if we come to think of it, we should be thankful for two months of being irked for having nothing to do. After all, we've been so drained for 10 months -- restless, eye bugs getting bigger, pimples get to redouble and having the least time for ourselves.

I think it's such an innovative thought for the person who invented vacation of having it as something for us to chill out and at the same time, a time to be longed for and to yearn for those people who were with us in 10 months of exhilaration and responsibility.

May everyone be jovial this summer vacation and may this be a blissful preparation for another 10 months of burden. Haha!

february 14.

2007-02-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

Tears fell from my eyes as I suddenly uttered the words unexpectedly. "I have always loved you. Being there for you is what I always wanted but I know I can't."

"Nice one. Nasaktan na naman ako ng dahil sa kanya."

It was my first thought in the morning. After what I knew last night, I decided not to speak with him. He has done enough. I never knew a thing from him. He was like lying the whole time.

I thought everything went well until I found out that he already has somebody. Yes. And they've been together for like, years!

But what's stupid was, I still continued being close to him. I didn't mind that he has a girlfriend. I let myself bleed for something not worth at all.

Patuloy kong iniisip na magkasama silang masaya kahit na alam kong ang sakit sakit na. Bakit ko iniisip yun? How amusing.

Lots of times, I think of ignoring him. You know. Cold treatment. But then again, I end up having happy conversations with him.

Oo. Ang tanga ko. Ang tanga tanga ko dahil nagpapakabulag ako. Hindi ko pinapansing hindi na siya pwede. Kaya patuloy akong nahuhulog sa kanya.

I want to hide from everything. It was all wrong. So I ran and ran as fast as I could, like escaping from reality. But no matter how fast and how far I tried to escape from the real world, I still don't care about what's happening and that, I still want to love him despite and inspite of everything.

Then, the sky poured its tears on the ground. As if it was trying to sway with my feelings--sadness, anger and confusion.

I didn't mind the torrential rain and the strong winds and still continued running.

Then, I saw someone coming my way. He has an umbrella with him. It was him, the guy I love but can't be mine. And he tried to follow me while I kept on escaping.

He was shouting my name. He continued to shout and run so fast that he lost grip on his umbrella. Me? I tried to be deaf. I let him shout and shout until he tore his tonsils apart. "I don't care. Has he ever shown he cared? Never. He just left me hanging and confused."

What I did was ignore,
ignore
and ignore.

That was for not telling the truth, for making me confused, for letting me feel this agony, for not feeling my love, for hurting me, for making me feel he loves me too though he just can't leave the other one, for making me fall for him, for giving me happiness though I have this intense anger at him, for making me smile though I want to cry..

Then, I stopped running. He grabbed my hand and tried to take me somewhere. But I refused to.

"What do you want?"

"Are you crazy? You're soaking wet. Come, let me take you home."

"No! Stop acting like that. You never cared anyway."

"You must be sick. I said, I'm gonna take you home."

"I said I don't want to."

"You're insane!"

"Yes! I am insane! And it's all your fault. You're the cause of all this pain. You made me fall for you but you never knew how much you mean to me. I know you don't need me. You have her! How dare you not say a word to me. We've talked about lots of things. How come you never mentioned a thing about your girlfriend? It hurts a lot that I knew it from something else. I hate you!"

"I'm sorry. It's not supposed to be this way--"

"Stop talking. I don't need to hear you're sorry."

Tears fell from my eyes as I suddenly uttered the words unexpectedly. "I have always loved you. Being there for you is what I always wanted but I know I can't. You have her, she has you. What am I gonna do? I have nothing."

Sometimes, you'd rather choose being hurt than letting go of the feeling. You continue loving a person though you know you can't have him. You manage to handle the pain and continue to make yourself bleed just to make him stay. And what hurts more is you can't let him know how you're really feeling. [Or maybe, you give him ideas, or sometimes clues. But you never reveal how you really feel towards him because of some matters.]

But it hurts more to pretend you never really loved him, when in fact he always meant a lot; to pretend you can let him go, when you want to make him yours.

Love isn't blind, it sees but it never minds.

"But though you caused so much pain, I still chose and choose to love you. It's no one's fault if I feel this way for you. It just came along. I wasn't even aware of its coming. You see, I really, really love you. And I know I still do eventhough you can't love me back."

I tried remove his hand from my arms, but he rebuffed to.

"Now I know. I'm so sorry. The truth is, I have loved you from the start. Maybe I just don't have the courage to let the other one go. But I'm also not couragious enough to hide, let go and try to turn my back on the way I feel for you. Yes, I have her and we've been together for years. But it was you whom I want to share my happiness with, it was always you whom I think of everyday, it was you who always make me smile during downfalls, it has always been you whom I love so much that it hurts a lot that I can't spend more time with you. I'm sorry for letting you feel this anguish. It's just that, I became desperate of having you that I didn't want you to know of what's happening."

Together with the rain, he came towards me and tried to catch my every breath--as he kissed me.

You can never really know what's going to happen. In love, you have to take risks. And you'll always end up being happy. All the pain and sacrifices will be reciprocated.

Spread love this Valentine's Day.

Advanced Happy Valentine's to one and all.

BIRTHDAY.

2007-01-30T01:56:00.000-08:00

A birthday. A very exceptional event remarkable enough to reminisce the years of survival--the fact that an obstinate human child goes on to become an adult despite great odds.

It seems most like an ending--another year, gone. But it gives rise to a review of all the things accomplished in the past year, of gains that have been made, the great teacher of experience that has enriched life, even if some of its lessons have been learned painfully.

No less than it is an end is that it is also a beginning. Just as looking back on the past offers a sense of accomplishment, so does looking ahead to the future inspires new goals or lets us continue striving for the old ones. Every year, we are given this wonderful opportunity to begin anew.

But in all this looking ahead and behind, we might easily forget to examine the here and the now. We must pause and see what we have right now. Whatever we look back upon and wish that had been, whatever we look forward to and hope for, it turns out that those things that we need most of all are here with us today. That, at this very moment, each of us is showered by blessings untold and incomprehensible. We have more than we can possibly understand all at once. In daily living, trials and tribulations threaten to overwhelm us. So on the occasion of birthdays, let us take advantage of its exceptionality--it is, after all, only 24 hours compared to the 8,736 ordinary hours in the rest of the year--to pause and give thanks for all the things that we do have; and most importantly, for all the people who support us with the gift of love, a gift given not on just one day of the year, but everyday of every year.

I am aware that time has truly been passing for me. And with my special day, I catapult backwards through time, like paging through a picture album from back to front. And I realize that most of the other 364 days of the year surrender themselves to the haze of half-forgotten memory.

Are my sacrifices worth them all? Have I done the right things? Have I made the right decisions? Are my deeds enough to please people?

14 years.

It can never be enough to tell that I know every road I take in this life's journey. I am young, inexperienced, dependent and still learning. Some may tell I can't do things on my own yet. Others may not believe in what I can do. Still, some may think I am that innocent to not weigh things equally.

But this I tell you: I am not an idiot to not make things right. Maybe, you can see them wrong. But whatever I do leads to something I know can make me happy. And you can never let me take those back.

Cheers to me!

Cheers to being 14!

Cheers to February 2, 2007!

NEGATIVITY.

2007-01-17T00:36:00.001-08:00

Imagine a girl walking around the school. She knows every person she sees. She smiles at them, gives them a wave, says hello and everybody waves back and smiles.

Inside the classroom, she takes every chance to socialize with people. She goes to one corner where people listen to music, talks to them and listens too. She then transfers to a group of girls talking about girl stuff and mingles with them. A group of camwhores, singers, guitarists, nerds, calogs, everybody. And actually, she's everyone's friend.

It's really nice to get along with people and it's always a pleasure to be noticed by them. But she feels like something's missing.

Is it because she's with herself all the time? Hmm. No. In fact, she's got some company.

Does she feel like everyone hates her around?

Does she want more and more friends and still not contented with the number of people she spends time with?

No, no and no.

Why am I feeling this? Maybe, things are really changing.

Me. I know I've changed. But, bringing my old self back isn't what I want. I don't want to be someone lame and quiet again. I just want some stuff back to what they were. I don't know why. But I think some things aren't right.

Am I happy at school?

Am I happy at home?

Am I happy with my friends?

Yes I am. But sometimes, happiness is empty.

Friends. I enjoy being with them. You can see it in my laughters and smiles. Those silly stories we share, some funny stuff. All those going-at-the-canteen together, those tambayans, those chika marathons. But, am I really happy? Well, maybe I'm happy with what we're doing. But I just can't find that something everyone's looking for. That thing, that kind of happiness with just being with them, even without those silliness and jokes--why can't I find it?

And now, the million-dollar question of why. Why can't I answer it?

Is it me? Or I just don't feel like I'm with them though I really am because I don't fit in?

That's it. I feel like I don't belong.

Ask why to myself again and again. Isn't there anything else to do?

If I really don't belong, why am I always with them?

Why do they call me everytime they'll be doing something or going somewhere?

Is it really the fact that they enjoy my company? Or they just want something from me?

I don't know.

Do I really want to know?

I'm not sure.

:(

first post.

2007-01-09T01:24:00.003-08:00

new year, new blog. nalate nga lang. :D

alam ko nga late na, but i know i still deserve the chance to thank everyone for the year 2006. so, thank you!

2006. a year to remember. maraming nangyari, maganda at hindi. maraming dumating. maraming umalis.

mga highlights ng buhay ko noong 2006:
JANUARY
-naging close kami ni past. haha! wala akong maisip na matino e. para kasing wala na kong maalala sa month na yun.

FEBRUARY
-i turned 13.
-binalik yung phone ko after a month and a half of confiscation.
-unang aminan.[ni past]
-field trip.
-nagmuse ako sa NCR meet, nakilala ko si ryan.

MARCH
-madalas akong umiyak sa month na to.
-naadik ako sa blog hopping.

APRIL
-naconfiscate ang phone ko for a week. tapos, new phone na yung bumalik sa'kin.
-family trip to pagudpod. with vigan and baguio side trips.

MAY
-wala naman, puro internet at texting.

JUNE
-nagsimula akong magblog.
-second year na ko. nagsimula ng mag-adjust sa mga tao at new surrounding.

JULY
-wala akong maalala e. haha!

AUGUST
-sabayang pagbigkas. kinaladkad ako sa harap ng maraming tao. :D

SEPTEMBER
-accidentally, nadaanan ko ng GM ko si ryan. haha! ayun, naging close tuloy kami.

OCTOBER
-very first "date" with ryan. kasama si hazel. sikreto yun e. :D
-nagstart akong kausapin nung "ex" niya, na nung time na yun, sila pa ng hindi ko nalalaman from him. haha!

NOVEMBER
-ayan na. break na sila! dahil sa'kin.
-unang aminan.
-hmm. my first "something". :D
-bumili ako ng new phone.
-nangyari for the first time na may dinala kong guy sa bahay para ipakilala sa nanay ko. hahaha!
[basta, masaya tong month na to.]

DECEMBER
-first "something" na may audience. haha!
-pagiging close "muli" with john, camae and anna.
-nagglobe ako dahil napeste sa sun. :D
-i went to ryan's house. first time na may guy na nagdala sa'kin sa house nila to meet his fam.
-full of vanity tong month na to.

oh diba? what a fruitful year. haha!

sana maging masaya tayo sa year na to.

cheers for a more fruitful 2007!